An adventure called Friendship: What I have learnt

The Passion Translation

Growing up, I was always indoors and it kinda made me a bit reserved and shy. It didn't help the fact that I am introverted and could not make friends quite easily. A friend means different thing to different people, so I want to break down all the people I refer to as my friends into categories, permit me, I always fall into the trap of placing people into boxes.

• The people that I meet and relate to on a surface level due to a common ground or interest.
• The people I have around or those that see me around and all we share is one or two nice words and we have no common interest or nothing whatsoever.
• The people who know me and we talk to each other a lot, we share similar interest, ideals and just about anything.
• The people that know almost everything about me, likes and dislikes, almost the same set of beliefs and we do things together. They are my go-to people for advice and we face life together. They are my real gees.
• Finally, there are those that we used to be very great friends but are now separated by distance, time or jumping into stuff not meant for us. We either still maintain contact or they are forever in my heart.

I know, I should refer to a certain category of people as an acquaintance but just go along with it.

So in all of my friendships, here are a few things I have learnt.

The time factor

    Time plays a funny trick on us and sometimes we believe the closest or the most thoughtful friends we would have are the ones we have known forever. The people that have touched my soul and made the most impact in my life are most likely people I know in less than a year, for example, my current circle of friends. Also, the other thing about time is that some people are in your life for just a moment and nothing more. So friendship is not determined by how long you have or would have them.

Anthea Yang
source: Pinterest

The standout friend

    So the standout friend is basically the friend that you make that comes from a different place, time, ideology, religion, culture and worldview from you. This friend helps you learn how to relate better with humanity and also how to improve or become a better you. I have made a few of these friends along the way and there is a whole lot I have gained by taking such steps. I must say it is quite tough because there are times everything is wrong between both of you and other times people would frown at the absurd idea of a stand out friend. I say standout because they might never fit into your inner circle.

Friendship takes effort

    All good things in life takes effort. Friendship takes you making time, learning about others, learning to control your excesses, making sacrifices, putting peoples needs before your wants and a whole lot of things.

Anthea Yang
source: Pinterest

What are friends for

    Apart from the whole part of making friends, one important question is what are friends for.

There is this joke among my friends when any of go out of their ways to get something done for me and wave of my many thanks with what are friends for, I reply with 'to frustrate one another'.

This is intentionality. Why are you making friends, why are those people in your life and in your personal corner? Are they there to boost your ego or to point out your mistakes with love to correct you. Are they there through your highs and lows, encouraging you, motivating you, listening to you, or are you all birds of a feather? Most importantly are you a good friend seeing friendship is a two-way thing.  

source: Pinterest

Keep your circle small

    Your circle is a group of persons that are more intuned with your personal life. They know everything there is to know or that you let them know, in other words, your circle is made up of your closest friends. One thing my dad tells me is to keep my circle small because they tend to influence most of your decisions, consciously or subconsciously. You tend to set your preferences around theirs, and pretty much every other thing. The importance of a small circle is to eliminate the fake friend phenomenon.  

It is easier to keep an eye on a small circle than having a lot of people in that circle, causing there to be a wide range of conflicting interest leading to a more conflicted you. This is my personal opinion though. 

The Best Friend Myth

    There is the need to claim things and to personalize them but often, I find myself outgrowing certain habits and somehow can't connect with my said best friend at the time or finding someone that understands me better than the said best friend and I feel so torn between having a new bestie or having a whole lot of besties. 

I would borrow words from an author to explain how the whole best friend thing is a myth and it is allowed to have a maybe more than one or two besties and just close friends that understand you.

Source: Twitter

Some friends who may not be the closest to me, have the most important key for me in a moment of my life. Some, who may be as close as my own skin may not have what I need today. It's okay if our spouses or partners don't have every key. How could they? It isn't a failure if they don't open every single door of who you are. The million-room-mansion of identity cannot overlap perfectly with anyone. But I will say, my closest friends have a key ring on their hip with lots of keys, jingling.

Jedidah Jenkins

Author of "Like streams to the Oceans"

Platonic Friendship is much needed

    You would need to have someone from the opposite sex in your inner circle. Just call it an extra pair of eyes but with a different focus. And the amazing thing is that absolutely no romance is required. I know in a Nigerian setting, people tend to frown at girls having male besties but it is a nugget I got from my mum. She told me growing up to make as many male friends as female friends and to tell you, you won't notice the difference physically as long as it is kept platonic. So to that question about 'why do you have a male best friend and who did you learn it from? My mother y'all.'

The ultimate friendship

I love this picture because I see myself as that small child and probably act like one most of the time. This is an illustration of Jesus and a child and a total representation of the ultimate friendship and the ultimate friend. See Jesus is an embodiment of love, the kind of love to drives one to the cross just to tell you, you are worth dying for. Jesus is the perfect friend, always listening, forgiving, giving the best gifts, holding you through the storm, and ready to receive you no matter what you have done. 

So I have come to the end of my list of things I have learnt about friendships. Thank you for reading this and for following my blog, for sharing, for all the comments and all the feedbacks. I wish you take away something from here and apply it.

xoxo,

The Estherian