THE ESTHERIAN BLOG

Before you continue, read part one here . I really shot myself in the leg by splitting this into two parts, but I can’t put this off forever so I guess I am going to get this over and done with. We had our medicine OSCE exam on a Tuesday, and I waited three hours after my batch finished before I was allowed to go home. Before the exams started, I had really distressing palpitations, which necessitated me taking meds before I went into the examination hall. By the time I was on my way home, I was dealing with the warning signs of hypoglycemia, one of the side effects of the drug I used. We were sequestrated after our OSCE exam to maintain the objectivity of the examination, and I thoroughly understood them. But what made me bring up this instance and not the panic attack I had at the end of the medicine written examination two weeks prior was the conversation in the car on my way home. We were talking about the emotional toll of the examination process on all of us and how the past six...

 This essay will be in two parts, here is the first one. There is this common question that is supposed to be introspective.  “What would you do differently if you could go back in time knowing what you know now?”  My answer is very simple: “I will not be applying to study medicine and surgery.” I got the inspiration to write this on the day of my class's official picture day.  The pictures are supposed to be in our class yearbook, which is supposed to serve as a reminder of the time we spent at UNN College of Medicine. I don't want a reminder of my time here, and I don't want anyone to remember I was here. This is not borne out of the fact that I refused to allow people in or that I had no friends or people that I am not grateful for. This was not borne out of the fact that I do not have happy memories from my time here. It is just that when it all comes down to it, I ask myself, at what cost? Remember that scene in Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame , where Wanda tells Tha...

I will start by stating this, I am grateful for life. I am grateful for the opportunity to add another year to my life and the experiences the past year has brought me. I believe the need to state the level of my gratitude is borne out of the constant murmuring in my head, and the overarching message from others, “Where you are now is where you once prayed to be”. Source: Pinterest On my 22nd birthday, I wrote a post summarizing my experiences throughout my 21st year. I was truly grateful for where I was and looking forward to what was to come. Around October, I wrote something else that was a sharp turn from the positivity of my birthday message. I was disappointed with what I was seeing and my inability to help myself get better. That became the central theme of 22 which I have termed the age of disillusionment . I am not quite sure what I wanted 22 to be like, I didn’t expect it to be this. Disillusionment (noun). a feeling of disappointment resulting from discovering that somethin...

Connections. Earlier today, I had a Family medicine test. I believed the test was going to be a breeze, and that was reflected in the way I handled the preparation for the test. It wasn't bad and I was satisfied with how the test went. But that's by the way. The main issue was the way I felt before the test started. For reasons best known to our examiners, we did not enter the hall according to our serial number on the class list, and we were told to sit anywhere for the test. I ended up sitting near someone that used to be my friend. And with the way everything ended between us, I decided to stop acknowledging said person.   I had a mix of emotions ranging from sadness to anger because I had to keep seeing this person until the seats separating us were filled. I am not sure what brought about this range of emotions since I have been seeing him around for a long while now. My best bet is a conversation that I had a few days prior, where he had come up. I am not quite sure what...

Sometime last year, I was asked an essential question about Church. When that question was asked, I couldn’t answer it because I wasn’t sure which answer rang true to me. The question was quite simple, and I am sure many people can answer it. The question was, “If you always have to complain about the church you attend, why are you still going?” I am not writing this to discuss why this question came up in the first place, instead, I will focus on the answer to this question that I realised sometime this year.  Omid Armin Source: Unsplash Many weeks ago, I saw a tweet that referred to Nigerian weddings as third places and it led me to an article on sharing third places, the mental implication and the narrowing of such places.  Coined by Ray Oldenburg; the third place is not your home (first place), not your work (second place), but those informal public places in which we interact with people. One fascinating thing about third places is that they hold spaces for people without...

Another post on friendship? Friendship? Can’t you praise God? Can’t you talk realities things? Photo credits: Maria Loznevaya Source: pexels.com I don’t hate change, and I don’t hate things evolving into something else.  I don’t deal well with change, though. I don’t do well with the things that can disrupt my being and shake me to my core. I don’t like losing systems that I have built, and I don’t like being pushed to my wit’s end. I hate taking the last resort. I hate contingency plans. But I allow them to happen because what can I do or say about that? On Vulnerability. That’s what we’re here for. Fuck the shallow waters; immerse yourself. In your people and in your God. Mofiyinfoluwa Okupe Vulnerare - to wound . I used to be scared of vulnerability—scared of baring myself to others because of the likelihood of being misunderstood or abandoned by them. I have been hurt by the few people I tried being vulnerable with and that sort of pushed me further into myself. Lately, I find ...

Happy new month beautiful people, Welcome to February. Amongst everything February already stands for, this year is going to be having something different to it. It is the election year after all in Nigeria, and the presidential elections are slated for the 25th of February. So if you are yet to pick up your PVC, please do that. And above all, plan to come out to vote. The country depends on that.  Now that I have done my civic duty, this is time for a check-in.  How was January? What is 2023 looking like? What is going on with your new year’s resolution? I am going to go off your case now and talk about myself, I am going to mention the different things I have been trying out.  The first thing I did this year that was out of character was to write a summary of each day. I opened a folder on my Note App, and I add a new note every day. I write down highlights of the day and it has helped me with something on my 2023 To-do list which is to document my life. Another thing I...