THE ESTHERIAN BLOG

After writing a cute message to myself last year on my 21st birthday, I subconsciously told myself it is going to become a tradition of mine to write to myself every birthday.  If there is one thing we learn, it is that life has more in store for us than we can ever see coming and by the time my 22nd birthday was approaching, I was out of positive things to write. I read a post at the beginning of July, and it led me through the paths of introspection which birthed this piece. Here is the prompt; What is *insert subject of study*?  Photo Credit: Pixabay Source: pexels.com 21 is a dream. A dream is often always comforting, starting softly, allowing your mind to tease you of all the things you believe it can accomplish and without warning, everything changes, and you find yourself struggling for breath, trying to find a way to wake up so that you can find respite because what you thought was a dream is a nightmare in disguise. It started like such a dream, a surprise birthday party by my

LONGING It is longing. A want to hold on to a love you once knew. Dabira. Photo Credit: cottonbro Source: pexels.com I know I have felt love before, that I have been in love before, and it is so much different from infatuation or lust. I have felt those before too, and that helped me understand that there is a difference.  I have had the all-consuming passionate love that burnt me inside out and I have had the slow embers that got snuffed out. Above all, I have fallen in love with men that had no intention of loving me back. I find myself trying to return to those days and those men, not because I want to go through the pain again, but because I want to hold on to love again. I want the soft burn. I want the sighs and awwns. I want the lightness that comes with it, the vulnerability to someone else and the thoughts of returning home to someone. I long for love because I am convinced I have lost it and it will take a long time to get it back. Photo Credit: Enes Bayraktar Source: pexels.