Check In: January 2021

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    First, there is an observation I have made that maybe you would agree with me, January 2021 is the shortest yet. And it is fine. It is amazing in fact that this year seems to run out just as soon as it started, but the thought I can't shake off sometimes is just maybe I don't have enough time, whatever that means. The second thing is this, I am back in Enugu. I have been here since the 11th of January. Looking out of the window during the take-off and seeing the world become smaller till you become so insignificant is amazing. I made a friend on the flight, and we shared a taxi out of the airport, and that saved me extra money, so a win I guess. The sad part though is that I am sure I won't keep in contact with this person. Sorry though, it was fun talking with you. 

Although my experience coming back has not been that perfect, it is alright. I looked for the carpenter from earlier and after wasting an entire day searching for him; I met up with him later because my friend, Marcus, agreed to see him under the guise of giving him a contract. Turns out to be a tad more interesting because, by the time he delivered on the 20th, he delivered something so rubbish that I was like Nah, I can't accept this. What made me angry, sorry, furious was that he said nothing. He did even seem concerned or bothered that he did nonsense. He dropped the frame outside my window and left it there when I insisted he take it back and forget about everything. My neighbour suggested I sell it as scrap to the furniture makers on my street, but I just gave it out. I believe it is nice that someone use it. I am so glad I sorted it out before school resumed.

My apartment building electricity got cut off on the 15th, and it was infuriating. Something good came out of it though depending on the way you look at it, I got a power bank, and no one told me that stuff is expensive. Arnold said it is an investment. What do you think of that? I also spent that Sunday with Aunty Blessing, and it was amazing. I took my stuff over to charge them, spent the afternoon with her while she was working, talking about life and other things going on. We went to get dinner, and I was enthusiastic about getting pizza after using the last fraction of 2020 craving it. There was the bonus of ice cream too, just because I must have ice cream. The light got fixed on the 18th.

I had a friend who stayed with me for a week, and we tried to motivate each other to read because I can see the examination staring me right in the face and daring me to do something other than read. I don't do well with threats, so I am reading. My major motivation right now is the memories of resitting two years ago. I can't believe time has passed like that. She is fun to be with, and we made the most of the time together before school resumed, even going as far as creating a mock timetable. Just putting it out there. Our mock timetable was a week longer than the school timetable. My professional exams are starting on the 8th of March 2021.

I also had to play hero or dearest friend lately. I can still feel my blood boiling and the excess adrenaline in my body as I was trying to defend them. I guess the good thing here is using my anger for the right thing. I have to say I am proud of fathers that stand up against domestic violence and beating people up just because they are family members. I also had to talk my friends through a fun topic of heartbreak and that feeling of disbelief in oneself because you did something stupid or silly. Again, who cares, you get to have an interesting story to tell someday.

We have resumed lectures, and I need everyone's prayer because it is going to be so stressful. Virtual lectures, physical lectures, study groups, examinations, Y'all I can't do this on my strength.

NEW RESOLUTIONS.
    I have got around talking about the things I want to outgrow and the areas in my life I need to improve. I believe my 20s should be about self and character development. And 2021 is the year to pray, working and moving towards these goals. 

The first thing I want to outgrow is the way I manage my emotions, and that is a top tier list of things that must happen this year. I am tired of drifting through emotions and letting them get the better of me. I also started a campaign, even if it is only in my room. It is the “use your word” campaign. I think I have mentioned here how terrible I am at communicating with people and how I bottle up the way I feel and not tell anybody because I fear their reaction to it. So this year, anytime something happens, and it affects me, I have to talk about it, make myself learn how to communicate with people. I am going to find the right channel to vent, either write it down in my journal, do a voice recording anything to get my words right and the most important one, let whoever in that situation with me know what has happened. No more throwing temper tantrums or allowing things to simmer in my mind until they blow over and ruin everything. I think it is a nice campaign to the point I wrote it on the board in my room.

With five weeks to my examination, I believe this is a perfect time to work on balance. How do I balance schooling with every other activity without one suffering for another? How do I save time in my daily living? I am also looking into how I spend money, what triggers me to spend more, and how I cut down the cost of living. It is time I stopped reacting to life, being passive and actually getting serious and active in my life. I want to dig my root deep and have an excellent character that defines me so that when things go wrong, you can tell what I am most likely to do and what I wouldn't even try. It is nice defining yourself in your 20s, and that is what I am going to do. I think it is also nice to not get defined by the status quo, not do a thing or live just because that is the way everyone does but because that is the right way to live, it gives you rest and the world doesn't get to decide how you act. Is this going to be easy, of course not? I have seen in just this year people challenging my decision and telling me that is just the way things are done, it would end in tears. I refuse to change the principle I live by because people are dishonest or assholes. As long as I do right by myself and God obviously, I don't think it matters. Honestly, it doesn't.

So the sad truth is I am underweight. I have a weird relationship with food. I love food, talking about it, making it but not eating. I really need to eat more and healthier this year. It is coming as a shock that I made that decision myself, but I am sure it is time for a change. I need to do better for myself. But to be honest, I am failing already. This seems dead on arrival, but I have to do it.

The last one is something that I had to take a lot of time to think this through. I had to make sure it is something I want to do and commit to regardless of what happens. My approach to this is even better, instead of seeing the long-term goal and focusing on it, I am taking it day by day and working on myself. I am going on a relationship timeout for the next three years. I said three years because I have approximately that much time left in medical school and I think that is a good start. Not only that, but I am using the timeout period to focus on building better friendship, learning more about myself, focusing on my goals, building my self-esteem and self-worth and basically every other thing. So no dating, random hookup or anything of the sort. I also should let you know my friends don't believe me. They don't think I am serious with this, and maybe it is a sad thing for my friend to think I actually have to always have to date. But oh well, I am in it for the long run.

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So there you have it. 

How is the year going?

Leave a comment below or send a message to theestherian@gmail.com.

Do have a beautiful week.

With Love,

The Estherian