TCS: The Coming Of Age Experience

 One of the most surprising but defining moments of our lives has to be those moments we lose our childhood innocence and transition into adulthood. Too often, literary works that highlight the struggles, experience and lessons of such moments. They are most relatable to us because there is a reminder of all we had to learn to be who we are now. 

Welcome to the first season of The Conversation series, I am here with a childhood friend, and we are kicking off this fantastic series with the topic titled;

The Coming Of Age Experience.

Let's start by getting to know who you are.

Hi, my name is Ruth. Nothing much about me, I’m a student, a pharmacy student. I want a simple life and that’s all about me. This conversation touches on experiences we might have had at one point. 

What was your initial thought regarding the invitation?

Well, I’m most sceptical about things like this because I don’t see myself fitting in, it’s a big thing for you and me as well. I always think of myself as not smart enough for this, talks and maybe that’s one reason I am not ‘growing’ intellectually to be honest. So when you brought it up, I just said to myself that even if I don’t speak well or my opinions don’t correlate or something, I should try it out no matter what. The last year has taught me a lot and one of it is that growth is a choice, and I am choosing to grow and move from where I am.

I understand the feeling of being under-equipped to do something, but one thing I have learnt is to try. So let’s do that. I would like both of us to have a goal in mind as regards this discussion. What do you hope to get out of this conversation at the end of it all?

More knowledge. I want to see how well I can think and address certain topics. This discussion is new for me and I want to see how well I can fare, and I also want to build up my communication skills. 

Beautiful thought, I am so focused on sharing with my readers I have forgotten I am supposed to learn from this. How would you define the coming of age experience? Is it something you have gone through yourself, is there any story or a standout experience you will share.

You know how everyone is expected to grow from being a child to a responsible adult, the coming of age has to do with how a person goes being a child to being a teenager or an adult. Either comes with more responsibility and expectation from yourself or others (family, friends and so on). I don’t have a particular story, I’m the first child of my dad and third of my mum and as my father’s first child with two siblings, it kinda feels as if I have responsibilities to take on. Trust me, I dislike responsibilities -I won’t say hate, strong word there- and these past months have made me realize that no matter how you try to avoid it, you can’t run away from the responsibilities, either family, work or career. They are part of what makes life to be what it is. You realize as you come of age that you have more work to do as a person and things to worry about.

How do you consider the media portrayal of the coming of age experience?

Social media has added pressure and influenced the transition into adulthood. A greater percentage of how we handle this transition depends on how the media presents it to us. Since we are ‘amateurs’, ‘adults-in-the-making’, we take in whatever we see, good or bad, consciously and subconsciously with little or no filter. 

I think ‘filter’ is the important word here. I believe that somehow we have the wrong idea of how things should be, like relationships, money and morals. It is easy to see young people with questionable morals, and if you look closer, that is what the media has presented them with. 

What do you have to say about peer pressure? 

You know when I was 15 or so, I would say no amount of peer pressure can change me or something. Well, I wouldn’t say it’s different now, but I think subconsciously I have been pressured to do some things, to think and probably act particularly. The way we taught is that friends would make you do things that would mislead you and all of that, but the way I see it, they don’t even have to talk you into doing what they do, whether good or bad. This pressure to be like someone or do what someone does might not even come from obvious friends. It might be from people from afar, from social media.

You will agree with me that peer pressure can lead you to do good things, right?  What we hear is mostly about the bad part of peer pressure. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but no matter how guarded you think you are, they surely influenced you to do something whether you accept it.

Of course, peer pressure can be for good things. I remember feeling pressured to go for night class in my second year. While that is a good thing, I couldn’t concentrate, and I was sick like the next day. That was my last night class, but I still read at night in my room and at my pace. Another thing peer pressure has done is shift me from being an introvert to a sort of ambivert. But then again, I sometimes get drained because I forget that I need my space. 

I believe the impact of the social media and “influencer” culture has somehow caused there to be FOMO, especially in young adults. What are your thoughts on that?

FOMO is not a thing for me because nowadays I don’t find many things interesting again, not that I even found them interesting before. I never partied or anything, I won’t say I was that content (I was kind of) but I made do with whatever I had. Social media affected the little thing even though I wouldn’t admit that to anyone, like my self-esteem, my confidence and the way I value and see myself. It is quite hard to get out of those things.

I am so sorry you felt like that.

Growing up, I always struggled with validation. My struggle came from the fact that some important people made me doubt my decisions till I felt I couldn’t make the right ones. So I tried to make sure my decision pleased them till I tried to please everyone. What are your thoughts on validation? Do you go through a similar struggle, and if yes, how did you deal with it?

Ahh… validation, my greatest struggle yet. I’m a crazy people pleaser. I always feel like I can’t make my own decisions perfectly, someone would need to ‘stamp it’ or give me another advice. I don’t think I am yet to get over seeking people’s validation. It is kind of toxic for me because sometimes I do things for people and cover it up with ‘I’m a good person’ but I want the person to like me and have no ills with me. Though I constantly tell myself not to do things to seek people’s validation, I somehow do the exact opposite and trust me, it is tiring and exhausting. It is like I want someone else to live my life. Living is tiring, frustrating, stressful and exhausting, but you see no matter what or how much you try to, it will never satisfy people. They will always detect your flaws.

My major struggle with validation has to be the things I want through and how I felt afterwards. I wanted people to validate what I went through so it wouldn’t be like I am out of my mind. The thing is, I have understanding friends that try to validate those feelings, and I learn that I might never receive validation, but it is OK. It is my experience, and it is OK if I feel that way, and I have to make sure I can handle the situation well.

If you can correct one stereotype about transitioning from childhood to adulthood, what would it be and why? 

I can’t give a stereotype I would like to correct personally, but you can tell me one.

I think I would like to correct the one that young people don’t know what they truly want. Not only that, but I understand that growing up, we let go of certain things we have; we pick up new ones but to be told over again that your decisions, wishes and requests would not be respected because you are a child, or you are young. So the stereotype that young people can’t make the right decisions, or they aren’t experienced enough to be sure of what they want, is one that needs to go. 

Too young to decide. Sounds like a stereotype most young people would want to correct. As a person, I like it when people decide for me. It’s just so much easier when I live my life like that, I don’t have to stress myself thinking too much or being indecisive.

Finally, is the coming of age a one-time thing or is it something that happens over again irrespective of the person’s age?  

As everyone knows, life is a process, having experience is a process. One doesn’t suddenly become an adult full of experience. We learn as human beings every day. The coming of age experience is a continuous, or I dare say a lifetime process.

I have to agree with you, coming of age is a forever thing. At the beginning, I asked what you hoped to get out of this conversation. Did we reach the goal you had in mind?

Yeah, I sure did. I went over my responses again, and I honestly didn’t know what to say, but it amazed me I could come up with those responses.

You have been an amazing guest and thank you for honouring this invitation. I hope to have you here another time and who knows, maybe a podcast.

Thank you for the opportunity. A podcast sounds wonderful.

 

Thank you for joining us, Ruth Sunday and I, for the first episode of The Conversation Series.  Join me next time as I bring another guest, and we will discuss something that I know will interest you. For questions or suggestions, send a mail to theestherian@gmail.com.

With love,

The Estherian.