TCS: Living As A Creative (pt 1)

So every week, I get to put a pencil on paper and write something or sketch, sometimes I just doodle things that don’t in any way mean anything. I avail myself of the opportunity to create something that I can or cannot share. And I wear the badge of “Creative” as proudly as I can. And it is encouraging to know that anybody can be creative, and it is not limited to the very big or highly anticipated and appreciated things if we are being honest. For this episode of The Conversation Series, I decided to invite another Creative to have a conversation on what it means to create and how it feels balancing that with living. 

Note: This conversation has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Our guest today is quite a big person and I would like her to introduce herself.
Hi everybody, my name is Zara. I am a medical student and also a YouTuber, you can say I am a medtuber.
So what was your initial reaction to receiving the message, hey Zara, I want you to be on TCS.
I was wowed and was like Oh My God I am being noticed and recognized. It was amazing.

Starting from the basics, what does it mean to be creative?
To be creative means expressing yourself in a way that only you know, and in that way you are reaching other people. Starting YouTube, I was like would anybody like me, would anyone understand what I am trying to bring out, would I have an audience but doing it now I am like, I think alike with some people.
I cannot remember where, but I remember coming across something along the line that being creative is just being human. Humans since the inception of time have tried to do things and that is what being creative is, it is an essential part of the human condition, and you don’t have to be Picasso to be one. It can just be doing the ordinary little things and doing it well.
Do you consider yourself a Creative?
I do.
Is it on your Twitter bio, Zara, Creative?
It is under my Instagram bio, Content Creator.

Source: Pinterest

What is the inspiration for creating? Let me put it this way, why did you wake up one morning and decide to start a YouTube channel?
I have always wanted to start a YouTube channel, but I never wanted to do only medical school videos. When I wanted to start YouTube, it wasn’t medical school content for me. I was thinking of beauty, fashion then tech because I liked some aspects of technology, but all these things need finance.
At the time, I wasn’t ready to invest so much because I wasn’t sure. I wanted to create, put out something that people can appreciate. Going back to the 2nd MBBS days, that was a time, I went to YouTube and searched for Med school in Nigeria YouTube channels and nobody was doing medical school in Nigeria at that point. So I decided that after my 2nd MBBS examination, I was going to just start this YouTube channel and start with Med school content because that is what I know about, and I feel like we are under-represented in the social media space, especially YouTube. Then, I was watching channels with medical school YouTubers in the US, Canada, and other countries, but not much in Nigeria.
You decided to be our Hero, our saving grace.
Exactly. But now, we are increasing in number, because I feel like when people know that you can do something like, I am in medical school and I can do this, they start. We are more than 10 presently, unlike when I started in 2019.
I saw your first-anniversary video where you reacted to your 1st video, and I was like growth. Looking back from where you started to where you are now, how are you handling it?
Hmm, I have got better creative-wise. You know going into something, you think you have got all the information you need but when you find yourself in it, you realize there is more to learn. I have got better concepts, better editing skills because being a Creative working alone especially, you are your editor, film-maker, music producer, hype-man, you are your everything. I feel like I have come to a point where I have grown but not where I want to be at the moment, but growth has happened.

So there is progress?
Yes, there is progress.
How do you measure this progress?
On YouTube?
Not only that. A fellow writer asked me recently while I was struggling with writing and I found myself burnt out after our 3rd MBBS examinations. I was not doing anything new, more like I lost interest in everything.
A writer’s block?
Not writer’s block. I was drained, and I just lost interest in everything; watching movies, reading books, going out, and so on. I was just sleeping, hating the fact I was sleeping way too much, and going back to sleep. So I was talking with Dave(the writer, KUWD) and he was trying to help me get better and reflect on what was happening. He asked how I measured progress in what I am doing because if I was conscious of my progress, it would be a driving force to continue. So what I am asking is, as a person, how do you measure your progress, how do you know you have got better? Is it from the analytical point of YouTube, or are there other personal checklists?
Analytically, it helps to know how many people are reacting to your videos and also your engagement. For me, it is my engagement; how people engage me in the comment section when I post on my community tab on YouTube. What are the comments like, what kind of feedback am I getting and also through my email? I have got a lot of emails from people asking me how to go about this. There was one I got recently where someone asked if it is possible to apply through Direct Entry with a 3rd class. It felt nice that someone would think about me to ask questions relating to medical school. And that is one way I measure progress because the point of me putting videos about medical school is for you to understand what is happening and for someone to ask me questions, it is like we are engaging each other. Then my content itself. Before it used to be just vlogs, but I am creating other kinds of videos. 

So I am not a YouTuber, I am pretty sure some of my readers are not, but I would like to know how long does it take to create a video. I am not just talking of uploading, I mean from where you got the idea till you click the upload button? For me, I can have the idea to write something, and it would take months before I am done with it like I allow the idea time to marinate, and other times, I am writing a post on Sunday against Monday because I am meant to upload. 
Some videos are still in the oven baking as we speak, for instance, I am supposed to do a room tour starting in 2020 but the pandemic happened. We came back in 2021, and I am yet to film that video. There are some things I have not done, and there are some videos that stayed in my head for like six months. I have a YouTube book, where I write down video ideas that I have and plan my content depending on the month. But for some videos, I can’t film them now. One of the videos I put up in May, which had a lot of views, “Relationships In Medical School” took months, from February to May. That’s like four months. I am getting different people and I had to work with their time, then light played a very big factor in whether your video would be filmed or not. There are some video ideas I get that I don’t have the right gear for yet because I feel like the video is supposed to be crisp and clear and the audio quality is supposed to be top-notch. So I am like I am going to wait till I get a better microphone or when I get my camera, then I will film this video.  As you said, there are some videos that I am like I have not posted anything, for example, some sit down videos. Vlogs on the other hand require more planning and take more time. So yeah, time varies.
So basically the same thing with me, some things happen at the snap of a finger, others take years to come through.

How do you balance creating content and living? Are they kind of lost in the flow or is there a division between content and your life, and how do you balance it?
For the type of content I upload, I may not necessarily separate it from my life because it is the life of a medical student. There are times I live to create content, like if I have a vlog coming up, and I need to do something like go out and film that. So there are times I need to go out of my way to add extra things to what I am releasing. But most times, it is just the way my life is, and I try to make it unfiltered so that people will see the reality of medical school.

I think I mentioned it when I got here that I tell people I am crazy or goofy. And my friends are always like you don’t have sense, but not from a place of hate, it is more of my thing. I remember putting up a post and people were like this is making sense, it is so matured, and I am like, excuse me, how is that person me? I couldn’t marry the response to me, and sometimes I put up stuff and don’t go back to look at it because the feedback and response sound so different and surprising. So have you found yourself in moments where you are asking who am I to be this, who am I to give this advice, or have you ever had any symptoms of the imposter’s syndrome?
Yes, actually. There are a lot of videos I have deleted even after posting them. Like I edited the video, posted it, a few people watched it, I put it in private, reviewed the video and deleted it. There are videos I made up, filmed, edited and deleted because I just felt like this is not the moment, or I am not posting it. There is this particular video, “Reasons why you should not go to medical school”. I have made this video four times, with the same reasons, but I just keep deleting it. Maybe it is because I am not presenting it the right way, the way I look in the video or the audio quality. I always find something wrong in the video.  I am like maybe I will do it with a group of people, so it will be better. But I don’t think I have got imposter’s syndrome yet, maybe it is because I am still growing or when I have a bigger audience I am going to be like why are these people following me. I am happy about the slow growth because if I grew like boom, I am going to be confused.

Are there things that people should not expect you to put up or talk about? For instance, on my blog, I try to be humble, open and transparent and also careful not to tell a lie or pretend to be something or someone I am not. But my mum reads my blog and there are some topics I don’t feel comfortable having a conversation about with her, so I try not to write about them. Is there a similar vibe in your videos?
I try to be as honest and transparent as possible and one of the reasons I delete videos for example if I have a vlog where I said I’m going to read for this number of hours and I end up not telling them I didn’t do that, I am going to delete it no matter how interesting the vlog is. 
You don’t want to put up with any lie?
I just want it to be unfiltered. I don’t want you to have an image of me painted in your head and that is why if someone says Zara you are this kind of person and I know deep down I am not, I show the kind of person I am. I want you to see me the way I am, not trying to keep to the image of me you have.
 
As a writer or Creative generally, there is this associated melancholy, and it is quite easy to feel numb when you find yourself reliving certain emotions over and again to get something good out of it. Is there any similar issue with creating videos, and how much does creating affect your mental health?
It happens.  During the pandemic, which was like my most creative year, I released a lot of videos just so I don’t get bored. By December, I decided to do Vlogmas, which is releasing videos every day of the month till the 25th. On the 25th, I was like, “Hello everybody, I am going away for a while, see you in 2021” and my next video was a month after. Even YouTube advises creators to take breaks for their mental health, you know relax, re-strategize and come back stronger.

Have you ever gone through any moment where you are like, “oh snap, this would have been good content.”
Yes, I have had moments like that, and sometimes it is not because I was not with my camera, it is that I don’t have the strength. I am like I would love to film this. I feel like the camera perfect moment is a moment you don’t plan for.
Are there moments you would like to relive?
Just to film? Yes
There are moments I would like to relive just to film them, and not just to film them so that people can watch them but so that I can rewatch them.

If all the fame, money and everything that comes with being a YouTuber goes away completely, would you still be here creating videos?
I didn’t go into YouTube for fame and would not say I went into YouTube for the money, but the money factor is important. Even if the fame goes, please the money I would earn in the future should not go.
What if it goes?
I think I will continue, but my biggest struggle would be uploading because to upload content is money.
Let’s put it this way, you don’t have a problem with money to create content, but you get nothing from creating content.
Yes, I will still create content.
Do you think you are going to be creating content for a long time?
Yes, for a very long time, hopefully, YouTube will still be around. I love creativity.

Source: Pinterest

What do you consider good content?
Okay, the idea matters. So good content is defined firstly by what the idea is centred around, be it information, fun or just lifestyle content which is a combination of both. For instance, if I go to a new restaurant, and I make a vlog about it, I am helping that restaurant and you looking for somewhere to go and at the same time having fun. The next thing is the audio/video quality. That is what keeps people glued to your content. Your ideas might be beautiful but how you pass it through your editing, your audio/video quality makes it good content. 
What is your best video so far, one you can boldly call good content?
In terms of video quality, I think I am not there yet, but I have grown from 2019 to this point. My audio quality is improving also. But I have wonderful videos like “Relationships in medical school”. I feel like that was good in video quality, even in the interactions and some others like that.
Which ones do you think Zara should not have done?
During the Endsars time, I was so angry and pissed, and I thought the best way to express myself was to get a camera in front of me and just speak. I think I uploaded it, then put it in private. Something in that video was a bit of misinformation, and I was like I don’t want to express this form of anger and negativity on my channel and after reviewing the video, I finally deleted it.

Is there anything you consider an occupational hazard?
For me, it has to be feedback from people. I am going to say I get good comments and explanations on where I can do better, and I appreciate them, but there are some that I am like maybe let’s not do that again. People can be rude, and I think there is a need to make it clear. Like they don’t even try to put themselves in your shoes and understand how you have got to that particular place and when they comment, they pass very nasty comments.
In people yes, and from my part yes. When you are editing, and you lose your content, for example when I finish editing a particular video, I leave the raw and edited version just in case something happens somewhere. You might think the video is playing and delete the raw just to find out that the edited version is nowhere to be found, the audio is just playing and there is no video and vice versa, or it is not in the quality you want to be in. Then people can be selfish, self-centred and rude. I mean, if someone is okay like they are fine, they would not come to your post to say rubbish. But again I feel they are saying it from a place of self, centring the video around what is happening to them at that moment, not what you are saying necessarily. I have got comments like I feel you should have done this, and I am like you were not there when this idea was formed or when I created it, and you are not inputting anything into my creative process.
I had to learn not to focus on negative comments. If you have a real problem with my content, and you can tell me it is not a projection of how you feel, I will take it if put nicely. And we should not be entitled to the way someone presents something to us, it is a privilege to have those people share things with us, and we should see it as such. Try to build people up with your comment.
That is why I advise anyone that tells me they want to do YouTube videos to start because people are like how do you do this, you are trying. I know some people that started YouTube and just stopped along the way because they know the stress and how much work goes into it.

Is there something we should be looking out for on your channel?
I am starting a new playlist on my channel titled, “My Friends And I” which is vlogs with my friends, so that you see medical school from others perspectives, not just mine. Also, bigger, better content, maybe a bit of diversity because Zara is not just about medical school. I am going to start with my Instagram, then YouTube maybe fashion content or beauty content.
What is that one idea you have on hold, but you will love to do?
I am a very strong believer of, if there is anything you want to do, start it. Don’t say it may be for you or not, once you have an idea, just start it. There are some things I have started and stopped, maybe because I am yet to find a balance, but one idea I would love to do is to own a shopping mall with a restaurant in it. Like chairs inside Shoprite itself beside where they sell food kinda thing so that as you shop, you rest and spend more money. 

What is your favourite social media platform?
Is YouTube a social media platform?
YouTube is like Netflix but at least there is a community part of YouTube, but it is not going to be in the running because that is what you do.
Between Instagram and TikTok. I like that I can do more with Instagram than with TikTok. So Instagram is my favourite at the moment.
Mine is Pinterest.

What inspired you to start your blog, and is that inspiration still what is making you continue?
Hmm. For the longest time, I have been a writer, and I love writing and telling stories. Along the line, I wanted a blog, I opened my blog in SS1 under a different name but did nothing with it. Then 2019 came and everything stable around me began to crash. It started with me having a roommate, and we often fought which allowed me to realize maybe I have a problem relating with people, then I had to resit and life sort of happened. In everything I went through, I wished someone had told me about it and advised me on what to do and how to do it. So I am like what if I can write something that someone else can learn from without having to go through it. I decided to start the blog again in 2020, but I delayed till April before putting up my first blog post. So writing became my escape and I wanted to share my story and lessons with other people who can relate to them, and maybe one day another person is going to be in a similar situation to where I was and find something to laugh about and learn from. And finally, it is because I can, and I want to own a blog. And yes, that is still the reason for being here.

What advice would you give someone that is creative and wants to start?
Do what you love and passion would sustain you, as long as you keep on doing what you should do.
Someone said, if she is going through hell, she wants to tell a good story about it. And I think that defines a good creative spirit, that no matter what happens, create something beautiful out of it.
Keep creating and take a break when you need to. But don’t use that as an excuse not to do anything.
You will know when you are taking a break and when you are…
Deceiving yourself.

Source: Pinterest

So thank you, Zara, for being on The Conversation Series. Please click here to view her YouTube channel, subscribe to the channel and follow her on Instagram @Zaraa_Ray.
Thank you.

If you have made it here, thank you for reading this post, do check out the previous episodes (I think I am not using the appropriate term here) of the conversation series. And there is going to be part two of "Living As A Creative" with a different guest, so anticipate that. Leave your comments below and don't forget to subscribe to Zara's channel, she has amazing stuff going on there. You can reach me via email at theestherian@gmail.com. I love to hear from you.

With love,

The Estherian.