When To Start?

And the moral of the story is; start when you are ready.

Source: Pinterest

I love clothes and everything that goes into making clothes, from the illustration/basic sketch to the fabric, the cutting to finally making the clothes. It is glorious, and even more, so is combining various clothes and clothing items into a fabulous outfit, and that is even better. There is this high that comes from doing all that, and that is why I am into fashion design. And the reason for this tidbit is to give you an insight into why I am telling you this story. 

I took a gap year in 2017 and was an apprentice at a tailor's shop for a while. What I wanted more than anything was to get a sewing machine, so I did what any 17-year-old would do, save up for it. I saved up enough to get this really cute mini sewing machine, which to this day was a total waste of money. I did the best I could to make the sewing machine work, but I didn’t figure it out entirely, and I never made anything with it. I went on to learn fashion illustration after I left my oga’s place at the end of my gap year and started medical school.  But the truth is this, I wanted my sewing machine, I wanted to make my own cloth that would make me so proud.

Towards the end of the last year, my mum got me a sewing machine, and I was excited like finally, the dream has come through. I spoke too soon because there were a lot of setbacks regarding that machine. For one, the voltage at home was too low to power the sewing machine. I felt too insecure to take up the offer made by the tailor next door to my parent’s house to use her machine to sew. Then, when I returned to Enugu, I decided to switch the electrical pedal for a manual stand. I switched it alright, but the problem with the machine was just not ending. But finally, June came, and I was able to sort the whole problem out. But it left a kinda little problem. Every time someone walks into my apartment and notices my sewing machine, they ask me; 

“Do you sew?” My answer is, yes. 

“Are you working on anything now?” My answer was, no.

“When are you going to start sewing?” My answer was, I don’t know.

I had a fully functioning sewing machine right in my line of sight every single day, the one thing I have waited years to get and when I had it, I struggled with the question when; when do I begin, when do I start sewing, when do I make the perfect outfit? And with all the basic resources needed to start, the answer was whenever you are ready.

I know we go through life asking; if we are supposed to do all the things we want to do, if we are prepared, if we are capable of actually doing those things. I have realized that sometimes, those questions come from a place of inadequacy, the feeling of not being enough or a place of lack. I also realized that even when we have all we need, and we are secure in who we are and our capability, we still ask when. When do we start? When does this magical journey begin? And there are a lot of answers like; start with what you have, start where you are, which are perfectly good answers, but I am going to add, start when you are ready.  

I say this because we often find ourselves under pressure to perform just because people expect it from us or because we feel there is an expectation on us to do what we said we are going to do. The pressure is even more profound in these times because everybody seems to be busy doing something and you are left wondering why you haven't started.  But wait till you are ready. 

Now you are wondering, how would I know I am ready? 

Sometimes the perfect opportunity comes your way, and you are like, all my life’s moments have led up to this, other times you find yourself as the last resort, and then you are forced to begin, but if none of the above happens, you have to battle finding out when you are ready.  Note this; you can be ready to start but not fully aware of the full picture, you can be ready to start, but you are starting with shaky legs, and you are struggling to get your words right, you can be ready to start, but you are jumping off that skyscraper with shards of glass stuck to your hands because you don’t want to let go, and it is fine. The same way you know that you feel better after a bad day, the same way you know that you have cried enough, the same way you know that maybe you should let go, the way you pick up the subtle change in the surrounding energy, and you are no longer tied to the preceding moment, that is the same way you will know that you are ready. And that is when you start.

So on Saturday, I picked up a piece of fabric from my stash and made a full circle skirt, which turned out beautiful. I had to use a few minutes to gush about the skirt, and here we are with me writing a post about it.

Source: Pinterest

I hate that I have to do this, but I am going to be inconsistent with putting up posts this month. This is mainly because of the way things are now for me, but I can assure you that it is temporary, and hopefully, I will be back on my schedule by next month. 

Please bear with me.

You can reach me at theestherian@gmail.com.

With love,

The Estherian