Let July Be July
How have you been? So this is another check-in, and I am not quite sure why I started with that opening, but I am just going to allow that to settle, just for the fun of it. I mentioned that July was going to be a good month, and I am so relieved to find out that I didn’t jinx the month. I have finally concluded M2/S2 postings, and I am going to be out of the hospital for a while. I am not certain how long, but I am going to take it. There is no other option. I am not going to comment on how medical school is treating me because it is part of the process of becoming. So onto other things, then.
The most fun that came out of July was going to UNEC which I haven’t been to in a while especially after my exams. And while I was at UNEC, I got the opportunity to have a chat with someone I know. She is on her way out of university and, hopefully, to law school. The conversation was fun and easy, and it was nice just sharing and telling stories to someone, especially if you haven’t seen each other in a while. I also met up with other friends and spent time with them. I dyed my hair a shade of white, impulsively if I may add. I love the new look though, and I have been getting a lot of mixed reactions about it.
There is this persistent ache that comes with being aware and conscious of your behaviours, and being inadequate to change or correct such behaviour. I might have mentioned it here before that I don’t like getting angry, and the reason is that I feel like when I get angry, I tend to overreact and sometimes blurt out something I was trying to find a better way to say or got on ahead to intentionally hurt someone else. I also don’t think there is anyone that I am safe to get angry around. I realized just recently while I got angry, that in order not to do any of the above, I implode. I get angry with myself rather than get angry with someone else, or try to be angrier at myself than the other person. And I don’t think it is a good thing. Another thing I noticed is that I hoard the way I feel about people, things, situations and becoming angst when I am left to ponder on these things. I sometimes think, would the outcome be better if I had told someone how I felt about something? I understand that I am still terrified of things beyond my control, and even if I know that many of my fears are irrational and there is no chance of predicting the outcome of things. Honestly, I can’t say for sure if I am opened to the way things are going to turn out.
I turn 21 on the 8th, and I am counting down to that day, I have no idea what is going to happen, but I hope to spend it at my parent’s house. I also wrote an "epistle" for myself, that I am willing to share. I know that lectures have resumed, and I am going to make a promise to myself, to give this new academic year the best of my capacity, no matter how much I claim to be disinterested in it. I plan to have someone over for the conversation series where we talk about the human condition or something just like that. I don’t know what I am going to be up to this month though, and I don’t know if I am going to be out of my room much, but let’s see what tomorrow is going to bring.
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| Source: Pinterest |
With Love,
The Estherian.
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