TCS: Legal Vibes

 

Note: This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.

For this episode of TCS, I happen to be with an august visitor. We were roommates when I was in 200 level, and she graduated, went to law school and now, she is a barrister. I have an esquire in my apartment y’all.  She hit me up sometime in August and was like, “Hey, do you still stay in Enugu? I need to come around to your place”. I was excited, and it was a pleasure having her around. And I decided to have her on TCS because, why not?

Seyi, it has do, let’s move on.

So for this week TCS, we are going to be talking about life beyond university and graduation, what exactly is the dream outside the university and what are the things that she is yet to achieve and so on. So I am going to allow my guest to introduce herself.
Hello guys, my name is O. O Ijor (Esquire). Don’t mind me, Damilola for short. I graduated from the University of Nigeria in 2019, and I happened to be this “big head” roommate, and she is an amazing Yoruba girl. When I met her, we just bonded because she is Yoruba.

So let’s start from the basics. Did you have something you looked forward to when you were living in University like I would do this, I will be doing this and now that you have been out for a while, those dreams you had and your present reality, how is it aligning?

This is a very dicey question. Well, I wouldn’t really say I had plans like when I finished this is what I wanted to do. The first thing was to go to law school, finish law school, and then get to work in one of the big law firms. But as of now, we are still here, and we are still working towards it, although we’ve not landed it. We are on the way there.

So people are like once you leave the university, the whole world is opened to you. Do you think the world is open to you as much, or do you think the world opens and e choke?

You know how our lecturer used to say when you get to the world, when you go out to the world, well we are outside the world, and it is a bit chokey. But if you know how to navigate your way, it’s going to be a smooth ride. But for me, the journey has not been easy. Life after school is not easy, Ka ma fi butter ra bread lo ri (let’s not butter up the situation). 

I believe I started off on a very serious note, so let’s come back to the Seyi you know. So what are your fond memories of your time in school? I need to say it, Dami was everywhere, she was in the choir, the drama team, one time this, one time that she was everything.

My time with fellowship, my faculty and of course my roommates. My involvement in fellowship was at its peak. I was with drama, choir, I was going for different things.

The more than music I went for that year was mad. Dami was just acting up and down.

Yeah, I was there. I don’t like just being somewhere and not doing anything. I like to be engaged, get involved, and it keeps me going.

I like the fact she just subbed me, but we moved.

It keeps me going both at the fellowship level, the spiritual aspect, In UNSBA, I was involved in the chamber’s activity from my 200 level to like 400 level. So it was interesting, and it is even helping me now I’m a lawyer. So that was it. When we entered school, they said, “don’t just pass through the school, let the school pass through you”. Emi achieve gbogbo aim yen

So you passed through school and school passed through you?

Yeah, we made good results too.

What about your worst memories?

Will I say I have such? The worst memories I think come every session, and it is getting accommodation in the university of Nigeria. That’s all I can say.

Word, Word. That’s all, that’s the end of the story. The two times I looked for accommodation was hell. The first time wasn’t as hellish for me because I was with my father. We went to the student affairs, met the then dean of student affairs, and she gave me a hostel. The second time, I started the war and couldn’t finish it. I moved outside school and y’all know I refused to return to school because I cannot come and kill myself. I think there is rest, living on my own. That brings me back to something Dami mentioned this week, that she is looking forward to money, a good job, big money and her own apartment.

Yeah, of course. Why? Because that is my small goal, mini-goal, Miss Independent. 

Not me, I am not Independent at all.

I want to have my apartment, get a good law firm, receive a fat salary, just remain fresh and let the boys be drooling.

Drops mic. I like that energy. 

How has Nigeria shown you Sege(hardship)? I have asked about life outside school, but what about Nigeria itself?

I don’t know where to start, but Nigeria has shown me sege because right now, I just commoted from one sege Nigeria showed me. Yes, all the inadequate planning, lack of proper structure, the quality of the services being rendered is abysmally low and so many things are not in place. Awa ti lower class(we, the lower class) feel it a lot. Nigeria is still showing me its sege.

For us, the resident doctors are on strike. You should see the way Saudi Arabia came to use containers to pack Nigerian doctors. (In case you didn’t notice, this is an exaggeration).

There is no job for the youth, the youths are very talented, but the government is not appreciative. The rich class doesn’t want to mix with the lower class, and so many things are going wrong. I think it is left in the hands of we the youths to right the wrong, but where do we start righting the wrong?

When we are done spelling the wrong because there's a lot of things to do. On that note, elections are coming up, y’all get your PVC and get ready to vote.

See me see werey oh. They will shock you people and this is part of Nigeria showing me sege. I registered for PVC 2017 or so before the election and I went back later to get it because I wasn’t around to pick it up. “Okay, I want to get my PVC”. They were like, “no, I can’t collect PVC now”. I asked why and they said because collection time has expired. So you expect me next election, it’s not possible, na.

We move, I don’t know what else you should do.

You are a lawyer now, which part of law are you focused on?

OK, I can’t answer it now. I am still looking up to God, the author and finisher of my faith, to lead my footstep because I don’t know. But over time, I have noticed I have a serious interest in litigation, courtroom advocacy, marriage, property law and commercial transactions. 

Please clap when you reach this point, just clap. That’s so cool. I love women going out there and just doing things. If you have the opportunity to tell everybody in the world one thing, and they will hear it, what will it be?

Hold Jesus firmly

That’s cute.

Can we go on to what your relationship life is like?

Seyi, why are you going to that area?

You know it is content.

My relationship life is (clears throat). Well, it’s been up and down, but I have not hit rock bottom. It has just been there, I’ve been in and out of something. 

I would assume that leaving university and not having the old rigid structure of lectures and every other thing, I would have expected liberty and the opportunity to mingle. I am saying this because I’m telling myself I am on an extended break from relationships until I’m done with university.

Extended break ko, mid-term break ni.

I’m asking, will it get easier leaving university?

Well, it might be easy if you have something going on before. But if you don’t have anything going on before, and you’re just starting afresh, it is not always easy. Relationships become very difficult when you are trying to work on yourself and put things in place. But starting like that, fusing it isn’t always easy.

If you are stuck on an island, but you are allowed only three things, what will it be?

Well, clean water, boat and life jacket.

I will be with a boat, someone to drive the boat and enough fuel to get out of there. And by boat I don’t mean canoe, I mean a big boat with enough to sustain me.

So, welcome to this table. Who is your first crush growing up?

After many years, I am finally able to say, my first crush is Ayeni Mawuyon. He was my crush in Junior secondary.

That name sounds like those Boys Before Flowers names.

It is a Yoruba name. So I was a pretty weird child, and I didn’t talk to a lot of people in that class. But he was always nice to me, and I realized I like nice people. He left the school before JS3, and I don’t know the reason why.

Second Question, which would you pick in a guy, intelligent or fine face?

Number one, who fine face epp?

Seyi!

I need to be able to have an intelligent conversation with the person.

So if he is intelligent and not fine?

You didn’t say I am going to marry him na, you just said I should pick, and I picked intelligence. It doesn’t have to lead to anything.

Alright, why medicine and surgery?

Funny question.  First, medicine and surgery is not just my dream. It is my and my father’s dream. I wanted to be a doctor out of revenge, according to a child’s logic. I was always sick growing up and in and out of the hospital receiving injections. And I decided that one day, I am going to be a doctor and look for the doctor’s children and give them injections. My dad on the other hand wanted to be a doctor but didn’t at the end of the day, so now he has me going on to become the first doctor in the Adelaja family. And that’s one of the reasons I will be and remain Dr Adelaja even after marriage.

OK. If you were given another chance to come back, like have another life, would you still choose medicine and surgery?

If they give me another life, I will tell them to hold it, I don’t want it.

Why?

What am I coming back to do?

It might not be in this Nigeria, oh.

I am not living again. I have lived once, I have lived enough, and I am not coming back.

Would you prefer to get married early or finish all that is to finish as regards your career before settling down?

I have been saying it for a while now, I might become a consultant before getting married.

Even if it takes you 10 years?

The compromise can be senior Reg. I want to be at the peak of my career or be as close as possible before I think of settling down. Medicine is stressful when you’re combining it with childbirth, this and that, starting up a family. Starting up a family is not something on the job, it is something you do before the job or after the job. That is what I think. And the residency period, from what I am seeing, is not the time to start a family.

How many children do you want to have?

Let me just say Zita is going to be happy you asked. I want to go through labour twice, but I would love to adopt as many children as I can. I also want to be a rich auntie to as many children as I can.

What do you do for fun, because I only know you to sleep in your house?

I write, design and sew

Still boring.

It’s my fun. I listen to music, I used to watch a lot of movies, but now I am losing interest in watching movies.

From 100 level to law school, how would you describe the experience, I mean the educational aspect? Do you think it is something that can be thoroughly improved?

From 100 level to law school, there are so many lapses, so many lacunas that need to be checked. From the structure, the lecturers down to the scheme of work need to be checked, and they should improve on everything so that we can align with international best practices. So imagine a student failing a course, I feel like instead of waiting till the following year to rewrite that course, why not tell the student to stay behind or the student that failed that particular semester to wait behind.

In med school, if you fail an exam, you rewrite it in 3 months.

Yeah, something like that. Just go back, read it, then they give you another exam to write. Instead of having carryovers and workload. For law school, the system is very harsh. In terms of our results, when it comes out, you are graded with your lowest grade. So we are offering five courses and if at the end you have four As and one C, you’re making a pass. That kind of grading system is not the best. It is mentally draining and psychologically exhausting. When it was compared with the American standard, the question was, what is the rationale behind this? When the results came out, a student committed suicide because he couldn’t explain the hard work, lockdown and the kind of result he had. Something can be done about that. Then all these funny lecturers we have, say things like; you are a dull student, and you can never make it, you don’t use such words, you don’t know everyone’s background. It can be demoralizing.

So, what advice would you give someone that wants to study law?

Please don’t study law, there are other beautiful courses out there like linguistics. They are getting good jobs and receiving good pay. Who law epp? But if you have the passion, yes, go on. But on a lighter note, it is a noble profession, it comes with a lot of respect, just enter University when you are 16 so that you can finish early.

What would you consider as your weakness, in all ramifications, career-wise, relationship, spiritual, you get?

I’ve never really thought of it before. I will say two things, I don’t know when to give up, and I give up easily. It’s weird. Many times it was something that held me back from giving up because my breakthrough was just at the moment I said, “I am no longer doing it”. And some things become toxic, I know it is toxic, but I don’t want to let go. Then I am always in my head, I think a lot but never act.

Wow. What steps have you taken to improve?

Again it is something I am only just realizing, and I don’t know. I am learning about myself, understanding my shortcomings while giving myself grace, and I am taking everything one problem at a time, one day at a time. And I know that God is working things out, and I am here saying, “you know what Lord, whatever you want to do, I am going to stop resisting you”.

Aside from Medicine and Surgery, what other side hustle would you like to do?

I don’t understand the term side hustle. I have said it before, and I will say it again, I don’t have the strength to run a side hustle. I have talents I can monetize, but I do things I love doing just for the fact I can do them, not because I can make money out of them. I am not caught up in the hustle culture.

So you are not the whole entrepreneurship person?

No, I am not. I don’t think I want to handle a business, I don’t have the flair for it.

Exactly what I keep telling people. It’s not everybody that wants to start a business, and you can’t be who you are not.

I just want to create what I can create, and I don’t want my creations to be limited to making money. I cannot start a business, although I can consult for you, walk you through it, do the market survey and set up everything, I can’t be an entrepreneur. The day a customer shouts at me is the day I close down the business.

We are on the same table, but not totally. Aside from my profession, I like to cook for people.

Yes, she is about to start her cooking business. I just remembered I want to own a café, in name only, sha.

What do you think is the impact of broken homes and single parenthood in our times and on the people that had to go through that? Do you think it affects the way they see relationships or their approach towards them?

I would say that single parenthood and broken homes have a psychological effect on a growing child, and it sometimes evolves into a commitment issue. There can be this idea that they don’t have what it takes to keep a family, that if their parents tried and failed, there is a higher chance that if they try, they would also fail. They can also be heartbroken or break someone’s heart, and it keeps on reinforcing that idea that maybe you can’t, maybe it’s not in your family too. And if a child sees the way their parents raised them, they become extra careful to make sure they don’t fall into a similar situation.

You are now very sceptical.

And I think the fear of repeating a cycle makes a lot of people wary of relationships. But again, our generation is beginning to lose connective or familial relationships. We have more fragile and causal relationships and a lot more people staying away from relationships and the dating pool in general. But it doesn’t mean that people from broken families don’t end up having good families and become even more intentional, maybe overly loving.

 

Last question, what is your take on living your life? Let’s say someone called you to come and flex, and then you are from a conservative family, and you don’t want to make a mistake. Do you feel like just flex, don’t use your brain, don’t mind the consequences?

I am fortunate enough not to be able to dissociate my brain from myself for too long. I am also fortunate enough to disappoint my parents and still return home no matter what I have done. But there are situations I am like, I just want to live the life of my head. I mean, there are precepts I intentionally walked over without thinking twice, but in all my flexing, I am aware of the consequences of my actions, and I am also ready to take full responsibility for anything that might arise if it goes south.

So, what stories would you tell your children?

There would be enough story to tell.

I want to say a very big thank you to Dami for accepting to be on this episode, and also let her know how much of an honour it was having her around. Thank you for reading this episode. If you have any questions or any contributions, you can leave a comment, or send a mail to theestherian @gmail.com.

Do have a wonderful week.

Until next time,

The Estherian.