Can We Start Over?

Source: Pinterest

Hello, I saw you from across the room and I know we made eye contact, one too many if I can say that. The truth is this, you reminded me of someone I used to know when life was still a bed of roses. Although now, I would say roses are overrated. I don't know if you noticed, but I like to believe I am funny, so you can be assured that I will try to make you laugh. I am on the path to becoming the funniest person in the family, trying my hardest to replace the current one, that's my father.

Oh, I am sorry, I haven't introduced myself. I am Oluwaseyi Esther Adelaja, and I am aware of how uncommon that name is around here, and no, I cannot speak Igbo nor am I ashamed of that. I know enough to get by in conversations, and I am tired of being polite in conversations about marrying an Igbo Man. If we consider my track record and the current path I am on, it becomes clear that marriage is one of those things that would elude me for a long time. Oh, sorry, was that too serious?

I am a medical student, and the friend I used to have is one too. They knew how much I looked towards becoming a brilliant doctor and saving lives, but right now, the only thing I look forward to is graduating. Maybe I should say this, you can call me Seyi if my name is too long. I don't feel like Esther, so don't call me that. If you want to steal my heart away, please call me Oluwaseyi, something is comforting in being called that, it makes me feel at home. Maybe you should not do that, I tend to fall in love with people that feel like home.

So I noticed you were hanging out with a couple of people before I came by, and I would like to know, are they your friends too? Could they be mine? The bad thing with being unable to make friends is the need to make as much as possible. I have been told belonging to a group is a wonderful feeling, and I used to be in one until, well, I ruined it. I wonder if I am going to ruin this one too. On the plus side, though, my circle of friends is doing well without me, and I don’t know if I am happy that they are strong enough to go on together after ejecting the problem. Aside from game nights and study groups, guess what a group of friends is good for, a zombie apocalypse. If we are going by anything, I know my friends will survive because they will be quick to kill any one of them that turns into a zombie. Was that too much? Do I still sound broken? It is just that I wish I knew how much hurt and pain I put them through and how I can fix everything. The sad part is, I don't know, I need you to help me get through to you. Every day, I feel despicable, and it seems like I am stuck in that feeling.

Source: Pinterest

You know what friendship and relationships have in common, a talking stage and I suck at taking stages, so maybe we should get it over and done with. I don't have a favourite colour, but I am partial to cool tones and varying shades of brown. But then again, black is beautiful, so there is that. I don't have a favourite food, but I believe some foods reign supreme, white rice and plantain being food royalty. It is funny though that for half of the year I hate rice and would say my best food is yam and egg sauce. I don't do well with temptation, and you can always guess where I went to get my groceries by the type of chocolate in my bag, Dairy Milk for Roban, Maltesers for Spar and Toblerone for Shoprite. My best kind of chocolate is dark chocolate, but the cheat code for anything is raisins. Please tell me you can tolerate raisins. I am a Disney kid, and I am always down for Disney. I enjoyed Game of Thrones and think The Witcher is top tier.

I keep to myself a lot because I am deficient in communicating with people and I don’t think I can live with messing up a lot of friendships. A friend once told me to have a caution sign on my door, and it should read, warning: Extremely crazy, proceed with caution. It was funny then, but it is a reality now, and I believe the sign reads; Warning: Extremely volatile, beware of implosion. Maybe I am being too harsh on myself. Unfortunately, I am. I am trying to let go of that. Did I mention I get so attached to people that losing them is so painful?

What do you do aside from living in Nigeria? 

I do my best to get in tune with my creative side, and you will see me in areas like writing -which is therapy for me, fashion illustration and dressmaking -if we are being honest is peak creativity, also I dabble in podcasting -I have been told I have a beautiful phone voice. I love cooking, as long as I have someone to share it with. I hope you will share a meal with me. I have been told that I can whip up a decent meal. I am a good listener and a better storyteller. Someone once said, “if I go through hell, I hope to get a good story out of it”, and I want that too. Although in the last episode of going through hell, I don't have any story to tell. I can't explain what happened to me in the past months. One thing I would love to do that I haven't started with is travelling, and I long to travel. I honestly can't wait to finish my house job so that I can finally do that.

I have been told I can be too much, and that hurts so bad that it practically haunts me. I don't handle rejection well, so find the nicest way to tell me we can't be friends. I hope you are kind because life isn't as kind as I want it to be. I hope you are gentle because that is something my soul needs. Above all, I hope you are here to stay because if you aren't, what then is the use of us being friends?

Source: Pinterest

Now, I have something awesome to announce. 

The first episode of Other people's Shoes Podcast will be dropping on Thursday. So check out the podcast page on Thursday to get the link to listen to the episode, and while you are waiting for the first episode, follow the podcast on Instagram @otherpeoplesshoes_podcast. 
You can reach me via mail at theestherian@gmail.com

With Love,

The Estherian