05: Something Different

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Happy new month beautiful people,
Welcome to February.

Amongst everything February already stands for, this year is going to be having something different to it. It is the election year after all in Nigeria, and the presidential elections are slated for the 25th of February. So if you are yet to pick up your PVC, please do that. And above all, plan to come out to vote. The country depends on that. 

Now that I have done my civic duty, this is time for a check-in. 
How was January? What is 2023 looking like? What is going on with your new year’s resolution?
I am going to go off your case now and talk about myself, I am going to mention the different things I have been trying out.

 The first thing I did this year that was out of character was to write a summary of each day. I opened a folder on my Note App, and I add a new note every day. I write down highlights of the day and it has helped me with something on my 2023 To-do list which is to document my life.

Another thing I have done this year is to go off WhatsApp, and after spending a few weeks off it, I am happy to report that I enjoy it. It has been generally peaceful and has helped me get rid of that constant need to be there for people, the need of holding space for people. I had to make a concession and that is having to join my project group on Telegram. 

I have been in contact with a few people and I love it. These people send me text messages and I call them whenever I can. And I have been having wonderful conversations with them. I am on Twitter, still a Twitter ghost, but it has been an avenue to interact with a few people without having to exert myself.

Another thing I have been able to start working on, on my To-do list is overhauling my personality.
The way I have been able to do this is to reevaluate my relationships with others. I have tried to look at those relationships from an outsider's point of view and have done something that seems to be against my innate wiring, which is absolving myself of the responsibility to keep those relationships going. 
Now, I return the energy I get, and I am no longer interested in inconveniencing myself for anyone or trying to be a better friend. I am learning to put myself first in everything. I know there are people that I would go out of my way for, and asides from my family there are just one or two persons on that list. 

I am learning how to make assumptions in bad faith. I know that seems cruel and kind of counterintuitive but again, I am tired of rating people that don’t rate me. I am tired of hurting or stressing about friendships.
This is the first month and even though I have no idea what the rest of the year is going to hold or bring, I don’t want to carry anything this year. I want ease and I am actively pursuing it. Also, a friend wished me wholesome friendships this year and I am calling that into being,

Finally, I realised there is one thing we are not prepared for and that is comforting those we never thought we would have to comfort. And it is no easy job seeing someone grieve and being ill-equipped to handle it. I am trying my best to chip in and I am hopeful this person finds it easier to carry their grief. 

That’s all I have to share.
I should still be off WhatsApp in February, and to be honest, I don’t want to reinstall WhatsApp.
February is going to be an amazing month for us all.

Until next time.
The Estherian💛💛

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