Moving On: Learning from My Healing Journey

    I already mentioned what a heartbreak is and why you would need to heal from it in an earlier post Moving on: Healing a Broken Heart. While the things I mentioned in the earlier post are mainly from books I have read and other people’s experience. At the time of that post, I was going on that journey myself, I have decided to post an update now that I have a bit more insight and understanding of moving on.

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So what have I learnt from my healing journey,

• In healing, the most important person is you. If you don’t take time to heal from whatever has hurt you, it will affect your relationship with other people. Distracting yourself from whatever happened or refusing to deal with what hurt you will cost you more in the long run.

• Healing starts when you hold yourself accountable for your actions and begin to forgive yourself for all the mistakes and errors you made on the way. Forgiving myself helped me let go of the offence and helped me forgive every other person that has hurt me.

• Healing is not a straightforward thing. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. I remember feeling better only to find myself months later at the starting point. I understand if you feel that way sometimes, it is a reminder of how much more you need to work on and it helps you understand all the places you haven’t truly healed from.

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• Beware of false healing or false positivity. False positivity is ignoring all that has happened despite all the overwhelming emotion. You might  be tempted to pass up all that helped you because you suddenly feel better. 

• Healing is a process and all processes take time. So it is common to hear time heals. What I realised is time only heals when you commit to the healing process. Healing takes as much time as you give to dealing with your emotions and working it out.

• Healing can only be complete in community. I don't mean you need to get a lot of people, I am just saying you can't heal in isolation or alone. I am grateful for my friends and all the time I had to call them because I didn't know what to do next or why I was crying again in September. You need to have people to insulate you, someone to hold you up when you fall and someone to help you and encourage you as you heal.

• When you begin to be intentional in changing one aspect of your life, you are motivated to work on other aspects also. So from healing from a broken relationship to healing from childhood trauma, developing a better relationship with my family, learning to be a better friend and becoming a better human. Now I am not saying I have everything sorted out, but I am in that process and making progress every day over perfection.

• My all-time favourite is this, you can cry. You are allowed to cry and let go of all the negative emotions, anything to make you feel better. Cry, scream, laugh anything. 

• Unspoken expectation would destroy you and your sanity. Learn to speak up. While communication is key, comprehension is way important as well.

• Pray. Talk to God because it helps. You don’t have to form the words or have everything figured out when you start praying.

• The most obvious one that took me so much time to realize is this, you are responsible for your healing; not the person who hurt you, not the person you blamed, not the person that refused to hold you down and prevent you from making a bad decision, no one is responsible except you.

What did I miss or what do you want to add?

Leave a comment or send a message to theestherian@gmail.com.

Do have a beautiful week.

The Estherian