11: Third place, where?

Sometime last year, I was asked an essential question about Church. When that question was asked, I couldn’t answer it because I wasn’t sure which answer rang true to me. The question was quite simple, and I am sure many people can answer it. The question was, “If you always have to complain about the church you attend, why are you still going?” I am not writing this to discuss why this question came up in the first place, instead, I will focus on the answer to this question that I realised sometime this year. 

Omid Armin
Source: Unsplash

Many weeks ago, I saw a tweet that referred to Nigerian weddings as third places and it led me to an article on sharing third places, the mental implication and the narrowing of such places. 

Coined by Ray Oldenburg; the third place is not your home (first place), not your work (second place), but those informal public places in which we interact with people.

One fascinating thing about third places is that they hold spaces for people without the need to be fully integrated into the person’s life. And that was the answer to my question, the reason I was going to this church every day, wasn’t firstly because of faith or the communion of believers instead it was because I considered it my third place.

Honestly, I have no intention of having any deep or personal interaction with anyone from church, and not because they are awful or terrible people they are very nice, warm and receptive people, but because I don’t vibe with the way they “carry church”. They take “church” with an intensity that I struggle to relate to, and it leaves me with a lot of questions like is anything wrong with me, why am I struggling with this, is something wrong with the way I see God and the church, and so on?

See I am terrified of religious people, and sometimes that fear borders being irrational. Maybe it is because religious people, or people in general, make me very anxious. But there is just something about religious people that rubs me in the wrongest of ways. I always say this and it is not a joke, but I can never meet someone in church and seek a committed relationship with them. Never. But I don’t mind being with a Christian. I have had conversations with some Christians and I am terrified of the ideas they believe and hold on to. 

I am yet to fully dissect this but there are elements of being distrustful of people that might impede forming deep relationships. I also have this notion that religious people tend to relate with people from a moral high ground that makes no sense to me. Again this might be in my head.

The good part of this whole article is that I am on the lookout for a third space. Maybe a book club, a sewing club, or anything that is not centred around Medicine or religion. I am not interested in clubbing or partying so that won’t count. 

I feel the need to clarify that there is nothing wrong with this church as a place of worship and I have met amazing people there. This is a me thing and should be seen as such. 

Until next time,

With Love,

The Estherian💛💛