TCS: Season Finale

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Welcome to the last episode of the first season of The Conversation Series. 

What do you think of the series so far? It was really exciting to get to talk to people about these topics and also in a way learn a bit about them. In all, there were pointers and bits of understanding of what it takes to be them and also to be human. There were lots of laughter nestled in between each episode and a newfound respect for the people that I brought on the blog. My absolute favourites were the ones that I didn’t plan ahead and just sort of freestyle. But in all honesty, the TCS I looked forward to for the longest was the one I wanted to make the season finale because I believe having a conversation on that was going to be a very beautiful thing. It was supposed to be titled; The Human Condition: Intimacy, Vulnerability, And Emotional Visibility.

My first attempt at this was with a classmate of mine after a certain discussion we found ourselves in, but for some reason, it didn’t happen. The second attempt was after I fine-tuned the topic and decided on what to discuss exactly, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe it is the way I feel about the topic or the person I  intended to have the conversation with. At the end of the day, I realized I didn’t want to be a hypocrite or have a superficial conversation about this. So until I resolve the way I feel concerning this topic, I have no other choice but to delay the episode. I am sorry about that, hopefully, I get to do it next year.

There is this funny thing people say when it comes to relationships, we are so scared of being served "breakfast", even though some of us go ahead to serve ourselves the "breakfast" every single day. We claim to seek deeper relationships, we are aware that intimacy is an integral part of the foundation of such relationships, we might be aware intimacy is found in a place of vulnerability, and yet we are scared of being vulnerable. So I have a question, one that I have no answer to yet, how bad do we want it?

Let’s be honest, putting up a front is what we tend to do a lot, we are all scared of rejection, we are all scared of finding out that someone we want to be with or the person we are willing to risk everything doesn’t feel the same way. We claim to put up green light because we seek a bit of emotional safety net, being aware that if something goes wrong, it won’t hurt us as much. Then some of us are willing to throw caution to the wind and just dive into anything that seems like it might be right. We long to find someone who can affirm, hold, understand, and support us. We long to be seen, but we are doing nothing to become visible if not physically, emotionally. We refuse to share the way we feel, what we think of, what our needs are or what we expect from the people that cross our paths every day. I ask myself over and over, when did I lose courage, when did I become this scared, and I still have no idea. 

I believe the human condition is a paradox; to protect ourselves from loss, we lose the things that matter. I should probably say I am not talking about defence against invasions but our methods of emotional defence and our not so healthy coping mechanisms that are born out of trauma, and the trauma doesn't have to be ours. I am saying that at the end of it all, those things cost us, more than we can ever bargain for, and somehow, we haven't figured how to deal with all this. 

I am going to leave you with an invitation to join the conversation. What are your thoughts on the above? Have you ever found yourself in such a situation, if yes, how did you manage the situation? How do you handle rejection or your fear of rejection? 

Please leave a comment below or send a mail to theestherian@gmail.com.

Thank you for joining me on the first season of The Conversation Series. You can find all the episodes here. (Finally, what is the writing equivalent of episodes and seasons? I am not sure that I am using the appropriate terminology)

Until next time.
With Love,
The Estherian.

Comments

  1. MunaOctober 25, 2021 at 9:57 AM

    Rejection as a whole is a very big deal for me. Most times I won't ask for things I could get from you because I do not want to be told "NO". Funny thing is, you may really have a perfect reason not to give but I'll feel I should have known better, I should have made a better mental note before asking. Aside, not asking for the fear of being rejected, I've not built any mechanism to help me on this, but I'll sincerely work on it. I will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The EstherianOctober 25, 2021 at 1:03 PM

      Thank you Muna for your contribution. 😘
      I hope you find a healthy way to deal with your fear of rejection and you begin to ask for things especially if it is something that matters to you.

      Delete

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